Our lives are shaped by the people closest to us, and it all starts with our families. These early relationships set the stage for how we think, feel, and interact with the world around us. Whether our families were supportive or challenging, the dynamics we grew up with continue to affect us—sometimes in ways we don’t even realize.
This is not about pointing fingers or staying stuck in old stories. It’s about reflecting on how these relationships have shaped us and finding a way to move forward with more awareness, compassion, and strength. And while we can’t change the past, we can change how we understand it, how it affects us, and how we respond to it now.
Let’s dive in together. As you read this, remember: you are the hero of your own story. This is about empowering yourself, not staying stuck in blame or shame. Healing is possible, and it starts with awareness.
The Patterns That Shape Us
Think back to your childhood and the people you grew up with—parents, siblings, grandparents, maybe even extended family. These relationships were your first introduction to how the world works. Maybe you had a family that was always there for you, or maybe things were chaotic and unpredictable. Whatever your experience, these early interactions created patterns in your mind and body.
If you were raised in a loving and supportive environment, you might feel confident, secure, and able to trust others easily. But if your upbringing was more difficult—if there was criticism, neglect, or pressure to be something you’re not—then it’s possible you carry feelings of insecurity, anxiety, or self-doubt.
These emotional patterns are like scripts running in the background, shaping how we think, feel, and behave in our adult lives. Maybe you find yourself getting anxious in relationships, avoiding conflict, or constantly trying to please others. Or perhaps you feel like you’re never quite good enough, no matter how hard you try. These patterns are normal—everybody has them in some form or another. But just because they’re normal doesn’t mean they have to control your life.
Reflection Exercise: Take a moment to think about a habit or pattern in your life that seems to repeat itself. Maybe it’s a fear of rejection or a tendency to overthink. How might this relate to something from your past? What do you notice when you reflect on this without judgment?
The Conditioning We Carry
Growing up in an Indian household can mean different things for different people, but many of us were taught to put the needs of others before our own. Maybe you were encouraged to be obedient, to excel academically, or to never speak out of turn. While these values can instill discipline and respect, they can also suppress our emotional needs or create pressure to fit a mold we weren’t meant to fill.
As we grow older, we start to see how this conditioning plays out in our adult lives. You might notice that you feel guilty when you prioritize yourself or that you struggle to express your emotions because you were taught to keep them bottled up. It’s important to understand that these patterns aren’t your fault. They’re part of the survival strategies we develop in childhood to get by. But now, as adults, we have the opportunity to question them and let go of the ones that no longer serve us.
Reflection Exercise: What is one belief or expectation that was ingrained in you growing up? How does it impact you today? Take a moment to ask yourself: Is this belief still serving me, or is it holding me back? What would it feel like to let go of it?
Compassion: The Key to Healing
Here’s the tricky part: when we start looking at our past and seeing how it’s influenced our present, it’s easy to get stuck in blame—either blaming others or ourselves. But blame only keeps us stuck. Healing comes when we approach our past and ourselves with compassion.
Your parents, your family—they were doing the best they could with what they knew at the time. And so were you. Compassion means recognizing this without letting it excuse harmful behavior. It’s about giving yourself permission to feel what you feel, without judging yourself for it.
The more compassion you bring to your inner world, the easier it becomes to shift old patterns. When you stop fighting against yourself and start treating your inner struggles with kindness, you’ll notice that those old habits of suffering begin to soften. This is where the real power lies—when you can meet your pain with kindness, you take back control of your life.
Reflection Exercise: Put your hand on your heart and take a deep breath. Think of something you’ve been hard on yourself about. Now, imagine speaking to yourself the way you would to a friend. What would you say to offer support? How can you be kinder to yourself in this moment?
"The wound is the place where the light enters you." — Rumi
Reclaiming Your Power: You Are the Hero
It’s easy to feel like you’re stuck in old patterns—like your past is running the show. But that’s not the full story. You have the power to change the way you relate to your past, to your emotions, and to yourself.
Think about it: every time you bring awareness to an old pattern, you weaken its grip. Every time you choose to treat yourself with compassion instead of criticism, you create space for healing. You’re not just a passive player in someone else’s story—you’re the hero. You’re the one making choices that shape your future.
This doesn’t mean you won’t have setbacks. Healing is a journey, and it takes time. But every step you take is a step toward freedom. And you’re not doing it alone. You have the strength, the wisdom, and the courage to take control of your narrative and create the life you want.
Reflection Exercise: Take a moment to visualize yourself as the hero of your story. What would it feel like to fully step into your power? What choices can you make today that align with the life you want to create?
The Journey Toward Freedom
The roots of our suffering run deep, but they don’t have to define us. By understanding our family dynamics and the conditioning we’ve carried, we can start to untangle these old patterns. The journey may not be easy, but it’s one that leads to greater peace, self-awareness, and freedom.
You are not your past. You are the choices you make in each moment, the way you respond to the challenges life throws your way. You have the power to heal, to grow, and to thrive. You are the hero of your story, and you get to decide how it unfolds.
Remember, healing takes time, and it requires patience. But every moment of awareness, every act of kindness toward yourself, brings you one step closer to a life of greater peace and authenticity. Your story is still being written, and you are the one holding the pen.
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By Anjali Mahalke
If this resonates with you, and you’re ready to explore these dynamics more deeply, I’m here to help. Therapy is a space where you can unpack these patterns in a safe, non-judgmental environment, and begin to rewrite your story with greater awareness and compassion. Click here to book a session, and let’s start this journey together.