Connected but lonely

Jul 30, 2024
5 min read

Loneliness – What Makes Us Human

"Why are we so lonely in the age of hyper-connection?"

My father was appalled when he learned that I follow 700 people on Instagram! Does that mean I have support from those 700 people? No! Social media connects us with the world, but how many of those are real, authentic connections? I attended a party, where I put on a fake smile and interacted with more than 50 known family members. But how many of those were real conversations? How many of these people could I truly rely on? I can be surrounded by 700 people and still feel lonely, or I can be surrounded by 2 and feel a real social connection, love, and belonging.

Understanding Loneliness

At some point or the other, we all experience loneliness. It could be due to quarantining for 14 days in a hotel (thanks to COVID), moving to a new location away from family and friends, or the loss of a loved one. These are just a few of the many reasons one might feel lonely. It’s important to understand that loneliness is different from solitude or isolation; loneliness revolves around feeling alone rather than simply being alone. Simply put, it's the gap between what you have and what you want in relationships. One who seems to have several relationships and doesn't seem isolated in the traditional sense can also be lonely, be it in long-standing marriages or friendships. This is because the feeling of being lonely is tied to the quality of the relationship rather than the mere number. So even though one might be physically close to a person, it doesn't mean they are emotionally close! Loneliness can stem from adolescence, early adulthood, or later.

Steps to Overcome Loneliness

In 2020, 50% of Indians reported feeling lonely most of the time throughout the year. With the forced social isolation due to the pandemic, it has been very difficult for all of us to reconnect. However, we must maintain social connections using novel ways such as Zoom parties with friends that could help in alleviating loneliness. And even though feeling lonely might seem trivial, it can have a significant impact on our long-term well-being. Here are some small steps we can all take together in our daily lives to feel less lonely:

Look Away from the Black Mirror

Are you guilty of looking at your phone in a room filled with people just to avoid conversations? We need to consciously remind ourselves to put our phones away and engage with people, listening to what they have to offer. These small exercises help in building our emotional strength and resilience.

Divert and Redirect

When the mind crawls back into feeling lonely, where we are surrounded by dark clouds and feel unsupported, we crave the light brought by someone we can confide in. In these situations, engaging our minds in something we love can help disperse those clouds. This could be anything from taking a walk outdoors, cooking something delicious, journaling your thoughts, doing yoga, or interacting with an animal. Research has shown that pet owners report lower levels of loneliness because of the companionship provided by pets. These activities can divert your mind and direct attention to something that can bring happiness. Search for a hobby that you find pleasure in and build your own support system because we humans are capable of doing so. For me, it's singing. I feel like I'm in a state of flow, where I lose track of time and get lost in my own world. This magical state can help rid loneliness because you have something tangible or intangible to engage with.

Acceptance

The first step to combat any problem in life is to accept the fact that one is facing it. Similarly, if one feels lonely, they need to accept this feeling. Due to the stigma around loneliness, it might be easy to avoid accepting it. However, if one refuses to acknowledge it, they are closing the doors that could help them. There is no shame in realizing that one might be lonely because you are not in this alone; thousands of people are suffering from the same feeling every day. Combating loneliness is not a quick fix but rather takes small efforts and a mindset of some-win, some-lose game.

Focus on the Quality of Relationships

One can invite 50 people over for dinner, but how many of them does one actually connect with? Start conversations with the people you trust and share stories and experiences that have shaped you. Moreover, listening to the other party is equally important. Sometimes we get so swayed by our own views and stories that we forget to listen to the other person. A true connection involves two parties expressing, opening up, and being vulnerable with each other; otherwise, it is not an authentic relationship. With the relationships you currently have, try to create an immediate circle with people you trust, with whom you can have deep meaningful conversations, and with whom you can be your true self. This is very important because often we put on a facade to “fit in” and give socially desirable reactions. However, we feel that no one really knows our true selves, which can make us feel lonely. Having authentic relationships can alleviate loneliness and improve our well-being. Your need to belong is not dependent on the number of social connections but rather the quality of them.

Strengthen Existing Friendships

Building new friendships is important, but nurturing and strengthening existing ones is equally crucial. Take time to reconnect with old friends, even if it’s just a quick message to check in. Plan regular meet-ups or virtual calls to maintain those bonds. Share your thoughts, feelings, and experiences honestly with your close friends, and encourage them to do the same. Strengthening these connections can provide a robust support network, making you feel less lonely and more understood.

Importance of Therapy

Therapy can be a powerful tool in addressing loneliness. A therapist can help you explore the underlying causes of your loneliness and develop strategies to overcome it. Therapy provides a safe space to express your feelings and work on building stronger, more meaningful relationships. It can also offer techniques to manage social anxiety, making it easier to connect with others. Don’t hesitate to seek professional help if you’re struggling with loneliness; it’s a sign of strength, not weakness.

Feeling alone is not the best feeling one can experience. But if you are feeling alone, just remember that you are not in this alone. We all have to be support systems for each other, overcome our fears, trust people, and step up to alleviate the feeling of being alone.

As David Runcorn rightly said, “Feeling lonely is a part of being human. It reminds us that we are not complete in ourselves.”